One of the first things I do when working with anyone is asking them what their problems are. I know especially when I was an athlete I would drag my problems around with me, sometimes complain, moan and reinforce "how crap" my problem was.
Sometimes people don't let go of these things, and they spend more time fighting their problem. By focusing purely on the problem (not the solution) what it can tend to do is consume us. All our thoughts, spare time and persona take on this wonderful problem and not in a good way. So it means that they struggle to move on to bigger things, like being happy and making a difference in a good way.
A lot of the work I do now is solving problems. Going back to my first statement identify what the problems are. This is to get perspective with what the elephant is in the room. Most of the time people don't like to address it and brush it under the carpet, or they are going around like a bulldozer trying to force their opinion on everyone. A little tip, that doesn't work very well. Once you've identified what you need to work on, then we go about working on the solution and what tools do you need to have in place to make this happen.
"We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."
So rather than focusing on reacting and defending all of the time. Stand back look what caused that so-called problem and then look at the tools you need to either deal with the problem or equip yourself so next time you'll know how to deal with it.
If you think your solution is that your right and the other party is wrong you'll struggle to get traction on the problem you're trying to solve. Everyone has a different perspective.
It's something that a lot of people, unfortunately, don't learn. You can't just jump straight to the solution or assume you know better. The best way to solve problems is to rise above that level of thinking and educate yourself on the best way to help others understand. If you're being met with resistance by others to the problem, you're not approaching it from the right angle.
So points to remember are:
1. Find a non-biased opinion, ask them what they think.
2. Take your ego out of the equation
3. Identify it.
4. See it for what it is.
5. What pro-active, constructive, empathetic approach can you take to solving this?
6. Learn the skills above and use the solution now or when a similar encounter occurs.
7. Educate others on the solution.